Everything! One of the main principles of Family Constellation Therapy (FCT) is the need for everyone to belong…if we don’t belong to a particular tribe or group, we are screwed, because who is going to have our back, and ultimately, on a biological level, save our life, otherwise? Another principle is that, like them or not, we get a lot of beliefs from our parents, including political. I am fairly political, and I can directly correlate that to my mother. We grew up watching Phil Donahue together (remember him? In my young girl head, I thought he was a chubby Mr. Rogers, but who talked about totally different things). Children look for ways to “belong” to their family and tribe and politics is one way we achieve this. The older I get, them more like my mom I become (sound familiar?). On a soul level, one of the ways that I bond with my mom, and feel closer to her, is through her political views. So, as the champions were running, debates being debated, and votes being counted, I was a cheerleader for my “team”, but on a deeper level, I was bonding with my mother. Through the elections, I was feeling more united with the woman who gave me life and deepening our connection, which was even more of a reason to celebrate.
A secondary tribe that we have is our friends and community, which no doubt, is also very important to find our place of belonging. While living in Indiana, I was not nearly as verbal about my political beliefs as I am here in NY. For the most part, in NYC, I know my views will be received and that I will have a tribe that agrees with me…in Indiana, if I stuck my neck out, I would have been abandoned by my tribe, and worse, attacked. On a soul level, I would have felt unsafe and possibly that I would die, based on biology. This is one of the reasons that NYC feels like home to me. These are my people and I can be myself here and most people living here feel the same.
With all of this being said, it is nearly impossible to change someone else’s political views. In doing so, you are essentially asking them to betray their tribe, which could lead them to get killed. Think about this perspective the next time you try to argue with someone…chances are, they are getting more defensive of their tribe, than the actual political candidate. Silently, or out loud (depending on your relationship with that person), tell them that you respect them, their family, their ancestors, and their decision to remain loyal to them. In this way, if there is any room for wiggle room, change, or growth, this is how space will be made for it.
So, I am curious…do you adopt the same political views as your parents? How about your secondary tribe? Has that made you feel closer or more vulnerable to your tribes (depending on your spin)? Please let me know in the comments below!
Now, between the hurricane, the election, and the nor’easter, I suspect most of you are EXHAUSTED! When there is an external hurricane and roller coaster, there comes an internal one as well, so don’t be so hard on yourself is you are shaken up…it is normal and hopefully, the dust will soon settle. Practice good self-care the upcoming weeks and see if you can get involved in the myriad of ways that New Yorkers are helping those in need!
